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Thursday, May 16th, 2013
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8:09 pm - Studying
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Staring at these damnable sheets. I really feel the teacher could have explained this stuff better. The chart of MPN methods just hits my forehead and bounces off.
Then again, I sat outside from some 4 hours in such brilliant sunlight to the tunes of various birds. Even my Spanish dictionary filled me with loathing.
I had the concentration to tackle another chapter of pleasure-reading. The current book is on the hunt for the genetic source of manic-depression.
I'd occasionally grab some new bit of food to shovel in and sit back to receive the warm air that is finally here.
The nights are still rather cool.
I was outside much of that day.
Even after my obnoxious step-nephew came over. When some inane thing distracted him I'd start scribbling conjugations on the concrete with a piece of chalk.
I also have some trouble with the harmonica. The holes, or whatever they're called, are mighty close-together. Hitting one note at a time is no easy task.
I'm giving up and trying for a garden-place job or at the worst some soul-crushing job. What will protect me is knowing the pointlessness of the job. It will provide me money. It being summer, I will have time for other things, such as gardening and internships. I kind of want to buy a microscope so that I might collect soil and water samples as I am out biking. It will be my own personal project. I will also be able to read.
According to a friend of mine hitting the spacebar twice after a sentence is no longer custom. As I look above I realize how instinctively I've been separating my sentences with two spaces.
I hate that kid and the filthy line he comes from.
I have Dungeons and Dragons tomorrow and the next day. My classes technically end on Tuesday but I've no reason to physically go to school after tomorrow save for a fine I have to pay. It's a book. I'm a scatterbrain it seems...
Having DnD is really quite the blessing. It will give me a chance to calm down and make my final couple of tests more bearable. Classes will go well but I want to kick ass at these exams. Crap! I just remembered I have a paper to do as well. That paper for Spanish is no real work for me. Writing stuff is my specialty. I still need to remember. It's due on the 19th. I'll most of that tomorrow. Monday onward will be insane job hunting. Nothing else can really distract me. I mean, school will be done for the semester. Too many eggs in so few baskets, I could safely say.
Saturday morning when I don't need coffee will be of such incarnate beauty. Today has been something of the negative fallout of too much of that sweet, thick poison.
I suppose I should just give up now and say I made SOME progress. I didn't make much more than that and I doubt I could have.
current mood:  lonely
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| Monday, May 13th, 2013
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9:04 pm - Wrenching Duality
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I really wish I could be the Übermensch. I have to occasionally contend with my inferiority. This isn't the obnoxious inferiority of a sub screaming, "No that I've introduced myself--trod me underfoot because I am worthless".
No. This is an inherent recognition of the way my brain is wired and my asymmetric body is structured.
I might wake up from a mid-day nap with the first thing on my mind being my worthlessness, my weakness, my mental frailty. It happened to me today. On my way to getting a drink of water after this much needed power-sleep I searched the haziness of my mind:
"Some people are such academic titans."
I can try my hardest and I will feel stress and existential crises arise well before I could be anywhere close to these people. If I really truck it I can get a B in school. I am not a genius.
Then again, I look many people--many of them supposedly more intelligent than I--and all I see is a glazed-over expression. I cannot believe they can master the art of forming sentences out of words.
And yet somehow their tests and whatnot prove some vestige of ability.
Worth? I can't quite be sure there.
I can walk a mile in the wrong direction before I realize I'm horribly out of the way. This keeps me from jogging to unfamiliar places. I might overshoot my goal or miss some vital clue. I can't say downtown is horribly consistent with street signs or basic road structure. You rather need to look for landmarks in this vast land of living and dying concrete and grass.
Okay--so I know this landmark. Vast spaces incomprehensible to me--a mere ant thrown into a jar and carried for miles--lie in between two points. If I don't know where a place is I may trip and fall into the abyss.
I look into it fervently.
I read a lot and show a desire to be worth some self-value. This doesn't feel like enough.
I am haughty and narcissistic*. Then again, I see a general lack of critical thinking in so many people. Of course I'm better than everyone! I don't litter, I chew with my mouth closed, and I do something other than watch television!
There are days where all I want to do is game or watch tv, however. I have been looking at how spoiled we are. I worked to afford the money to build this computer, but what does that even mean? I feel like there is a void in our lives whenever I see someone dressed-to-kill. We gel our hair or wear fancy high-heeled shoes and skirts as we take a car to transport us a few blocks to a job where we work at some abstract thing. We push papers or tear up stretches of road that don't need fixing. We are not working for our direct gain; we are working in a sphere.
Stuff like this. I feel no reason to live. My spirit will return to the aether. The thought of me decaying in a godless cosmos is comforting. I get scrapes and cuts and I might not feel them for hours as I've something else to do. I am excessively cautious and I look at a man biking down a steep and particularly bumpy hill. I am running upwards. The steepness increases to the point where even though you feel the exertion of a heavy jog you realize you're going at a trot. It's the elevation and whatnot. A random pothole in that hill and the biker will break his neck.
I have a good bike and a crappy bike. The crappy bike I ride out of necessity at the times when I've little other option for one reason or another.
The disc-brakes are off kilter.
So much that in the past the frontal disc tips and causes the tire to seize up and send me flying.
I can take a hit. As I said above it doesn't hurt so much.
Going down a steep and craggy road is still terrifying. I take advantage of this momentum and come to regret it. I don't know my speed but I know it's fast. Something could cause me to lose control as I am plummeting ever downwards. At any point another force could take control; I am helpless.
Why should I be afraid.
I tend to prefer the company of my self or my cats. Nature is a wonderful thing that people don't really realize exists. They go from their house to their car to their job back to their car to their house. It's a pointless life. The richer folk with poison their lawn for perfect grass and then go to a Trader Joe's for organic foods. We grow weary of the city so we move out to a place that houses quite a few farms.
But where's the gourmet restaurants? Where's the convenience of a mall?
We clutter up what was once a rich loamy soil and now it's all city.
I prefer to keep away from folk altogether.
And yet there's times where overwhelming loneliness takes hold and I WANT to converse. Or even simpler: I want to hug the life out of someone. The other option is they do that to me.
I certainly wash my hands too much, but after a good run or some time in the garden I like to let the feeling of dirt and sweat congeal as I sit and feel the labors of the day--the lactic acid and steadied heartbeat. My worldview is much smaller, but this is only because I now could stand to sit and play a game or two, or read a book. I am given life anew.
A bit on a tangent here, but what of the people that spent so much money on mud baths. They strike me as the kinds of people who are afraid to get a little dirt on their hands--let alone a callus.
1. I had to spell-check that one.
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| Thursday, May 9th, 2013
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7:53 pm - A mandatory compulsion to write.
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Perhaps that's worded oddly but that was part of the reason it was worded as such.
That attempt to read so many books; so many were officially returned.
In just doing that I found the time to finish the Murakami book I had been reading. I was 5/6 of the way into the book when my eclectic collection practically toppled on me as school intensified. Much time was spent trying to focus on Spanish but little was done in this process.
It's almost as if forgetting half the time is the key for me to study well.
I went today without coffee, thinking I slept enough. A little spike would have helped me as I awkwardly floundered throughout the day.
Last summer I was biking 60+ miles a week due to work. In addition, I was jogging to train for Tough Mudder. This could easily afford me an additional 12+ miles just from biking to the park trail on off-days and doing 2-3 laps. That's just counting one day.
Now I am out of shape. I still put others to shame but I'd rather not put myself to shame.
On that note I picked up an entomology book for pleasure-reading. I also tackled a page or two from a famous Spanish dude. He's artfully crude. I don't mean this in a Fight Club-sort-of-way, but more of a Nabokov-sort-of-way.
Anyway... time to sleep.
current mood: brain-dead
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| Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
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8:50 pm - Penned up in this house on a rainy day...
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You think that'd be fun. Normally I'd love it but I suppose I'm in a more social mood today. I feel shitty in here. I need human conversation.
I mean heck... even petting my cats doesn't dispel the sadness completely.
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12:24 pm - Sometimes the words in my head are slow-mo
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The sarcastic remarks I bite back*, the schedule of my day that I plan out--it involves an inner-monologue. Music is frequently playing in my head.
What is disconcerting is the nature of how on occasions it will slow down. It will all take on a certain drawl either partway through or throughout an entire sentence. I'll shake my head to remove my mind of this strangeness.
This happened a couple of days ago. I'm not sure if it was some form of caffeine withdrawal or more related to an odd dream.
A nightmare, specifically. A tire was against the side of my bed and slowly turning, producing a low noise that I could not imitate or place to this day*. Even so, the sound had nothing to do with the grating the tire against the bedstand. More appropriately, the turning of the tire somehow resulted in this sound. I'd scream in this nightmare and wake up sweating and/or with tears in my eyes. I had this dream twice.
In any case when jogging I'd shake my head and try to speed up the noise. I was running, after all.
Not a single light is on in this house right now. It's gone gray and thunderous.
The top of that ski-hill was a beaut. I've looked from atop it before, after a rainy day. Mist hung above the trees and low-hanging clouds made it seem as if I was somewhere in Scotland.
I paused to look at the view again a couple days ago. I could see the stadium with clarity as well as buildings I could not quite place.
I've gotten out of shape in those two weeks. This isn't saying that I'm comparatively worse than everyone-else; I've just failed my own standards. I can build back up, however.
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I like it when I can have an intelligent conversation with someone from another spectrum. Discussing with a super-conservative and rather brain-washed Calvinist can be fun. I find him well-read and eloquent. The same is felt the other way. I am a tad crazy.
I should get on that Spanish now. I've stuff to do.
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1. I click my tongue as an alleviation.
2. This was years before I started reading Lovecraft.
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| Wednesday, May 1st, 2013
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7:49 pm
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http://www.beginningfarmers.org/wisconsin-farm-greenhouse-field-education-jobs-and-internships/
An internship on a farm. That would work for me. I need to whip up a resume in 0-60 from the looks of it.
I returned all my library books save three, which I simply haven't had the time to return. I tried to do everything at once and as usual fell flat on my face. I've a Spanish test at the end of the week and I've been trying to force myself to work on that binder and the online practice. I certainly feel productive. I can read and write, but Spanish just makes my eyes sink into the back of my skull.
It may be appropriate to cut losses and read--at least get something done?
My job stuff is at the other place, so I suppose there's always tomorrow to hit the papers and turn something in.
Getting a job on a far malmost seems like it'll be the same goose-chase that I experienced with the food industry. It's a convoluted little mixture of opportunities and stuff to apply to. If I get a job tending to a couple's garden I can certainly get paid well. It would be part-time, but the pay-rate would be close to double to what I've made at so many other jobs. Thereby, it'd be fewer hours and the same money.
But I want a farming job.
But I found another vein of sites.
I still need that resume ASAP!
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| Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
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5:15 pm - Here's a little sumfin'!
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I really should stop reading while riding the flyer buses. Again, I found myself in another college area. This time I didn't ride so far. I caught another bus to reconnect. It would have feasibly made it where it needed to go, but partway in the ride when I was fidgeting about as I was trying to keep from reading, but had little else to focus on (eyes never in one spot, hands moving about as if suffering from ADHD), the bus hits an odd bump. I did not spring into the air like I have on some rides, but there was a considerable bump, as if the driver went over a very heavy person. He stopped the bus and checked. ...nothing, apparently. Even so, after some distance he parked the thing, unsure about the tire. Some people stayed on. I ran to reach my bus. My cardio has seen no work these past couple of weeks. My knee started acting up again. The other one is a little sore from a bit of hopping about on cinderblox and coming down from trees. I'm familiar with that sometimes happening. It goes away in a day and I can run regardless.
The other knee, though...
This is the knee that has caused me extreme discomfort for some time.
I was mentally unfit today or something. A lack of sleep and no coffee? I was running late for school the moment I left the house, but it didn't click until I was on the fourth bus and had made some distance on that thing. I suddenly realized I had boarded the first bus thirty minutes late. All this time.
The buses home were spent with my brain in some fog or something... I could not focus on my book. It just sat in my hands and the completely English (with a few Greek terms*) words were lost on me.
Upon arriving home I ate well and had two cups of coffee. Nothing. I got a couple more pages out of the book and just went to zoning out. Petting my cats alone was oddly tiring.
So I clonked out.
When I woke up the outdoor temperature had practically risen from 40 or so to 60. I tried reading. A chapter of Murakami (I'm near the last 100 pages or so and suddenly I'm less interested) and the rest of the chapter of the Schizophrenia book I had been reading was overbearing. I had energy. Maybe I should run at this point. Regardless. A good stretch might make this doable--just not downstairs. My cats will use that as an opportunity to sit on me. drain more life from me.
I'm convinced cats feed on our vitae. This wouldn't bother me so much if they weren't always sleeping.
It's a waste of human life-force.
I do want to write. Here's the bit of motivation I jotted down:
I want horror. Well, to write it, anyway. I want an element of surrealism that supercedes reality. I want a world that will not tear at the seams, but stretch them. Through this gap in reality something may enter.
READING
1- The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles
2- Cthulhu 2000
3- Work your Way Across the World
4- The Science of Sound
5- The DSM-IV
1- 1 1/2 weeks (enjoy yourself)
2- 2 weeks (a story each day)
3- 1 week (rush if need be)
4- 2 weeks
5- 2 weeks (also rush)
The Linguistics book and The Science of Sound will follow shortly after.
My mother and and that piece of shit that hates the cats are watching American idol. They're both old and deaf. It can be heard for miles. I will see how far it takes to run out from that range. Spanish can wait.
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1. Reading about schizophrenia, not sex*
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1a. 'cause Greek is codeword or something... My memory fails me.
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| Monday, April 22nd, 2013
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7:38 pm - Writing is just coming naturally.
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I walked about today just for the sake of walking about.
I was short on sleep, but the mere fact that I was functioning and reading was worth some note. By the end of the week I should have The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles done.
The conversations I have been having have been certainly worthwhile. Philosophy and a bit of theology. I am a theology guy, provided it's some good theology. I've raised a small amount of money for the club I'm head of. It will look good on an application at least...
I will also be downtown this next semester*, taking Anatomy and Physiology 1. I understand that it's an odd class to be taking, but it's a prerequisite I need for Microbiology.
This beautiful weather and the fact that I wasn't huddled up indoors when there was a nice pond and some trees to admire... I could be meant for field work. It allows me perhaps even LESS human contact that the lab workers get. I can be on my feet, enjoy nature, and make good money due to the specialized field.
Soon I shall clonk out and the cats will claim me as a bed. It is a great way to live.
Jobs... I need to get that application in on Wednesday. I will also check Craigslist for some potential jobs NOW. Like--labor and the like. A farm job early on might make the hike to a more ideal part more manageable. Ideal means quite horrid. I would still prefer to stay away from the toxins people dust with. I want to be more rustic and less of a pampered shit; not suicidal. Of course, to destroy myself would be the key to re-birth. "First you must go under!*"
No real use to living when I'm not worth a shit, really. I want to be stronger. I want to be a little closer to being perfect. I'm not built for that but I can certainly become greater than my previous state.
I had a nice conversation with a Spaniard yesterday. We discussed cheese, beer, the Cthulhu Mythos (which he was the one to bring up) and the French with their silliness. It felt good to talk Spanish. I'm rusty for sure, but the guy was helpful. I suppose my job is to offer obscure facts and words. I am good at that.
Also... Happy Earth Day!
Another goal of mine is to read a science book in Spanish. Actually, I'd like to read one or two. It's not for the vocabulary necessarily. It's purpose is to create connections in my brain. With linking the two things I study quite a bit I could create quite the mesh-work of a genius. Maybe I should get a math book too. I took my accuplacer today. Math is not my specialty...
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1. For one class, anyway.
2. Zuerst brauchst du gehst unter?
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7:12 pm - There's a certain taboo with appreciating nature.
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It matters not if you're in the boonies and it's the first day that has been sunny and 60 degrees in a month.
It matters not that it's a free workout to climb trees and run across the concrete barriers and hills.
It is weird.
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| Friday, April 19th, 2013
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5:42 pm - Hopefully I can cram most of my Spanish homework in today.
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Yes. My titles show less originality than to assign numbers to Shakespeare's sonnets.
Back to the subject more or less. What was the subject?
The past day or two I've not been out of a certain fog. This isn't to say that I haven't read or sucked in information like I often do. Rather, while my abilities at application were somehow magically improved in the beginning of the week, I've found myself back to a rather typical state. My concentration on reading Spanish has been poor today. I've a friend's birthday to attend tomorrow and that happens to be when the rest of my Spanish was due. Tonight I'm volunteering to 12 in the morning. This is shitty, as the weather took a turn for the worse. There has been variation between snow, rain and hale.
At one point the gate to one of the schools the bus stops at was closed, and cones blocked it on top of that. In truth, going past that gate, the two lanes turn into one. The driver was ballsy, continuing forward into rather sparse, but nonetheless one-lane traffic to find a way to circle around the school. Partway through he gave up and decided to drive onto some grass to make a u-turn.
It's been raining almost every day for the past month. That, and there was a small ditch along the side of the road. He was stuck.
I walked a bit with a fellow MATC student and we eventually parted. He decided to meet up with a friend who worked in a nearby building to wait for a ride to his car. I kept walking.
The snow turned to hale, and the hale gradually got smaller until they were like grains of kosher salt. They came in droves like a sandstorm. The wind was heavy and I've seen rain that takes less space than these hale-grains, so intent--much like in regards to gas laws--to fill every available space. Five minutes walk away, a person stopped by the road to drop me off at my school. She saved me two minutes and those two minutes got me to school just on time. It was right before the end of class, but people were staying late to finish up a teacher-to-student lab practical.
My mind was frazzled so I'm sure I could have done a little better. In truth, that teacher is awful at teaching. Earlier that week I found myself dumbfounded by the lab we had to do. It was something we had done before, but in re-explaining himself and writing down a schizophrenic script on the board, I found myself at a complete loss. Still, he's an awesome guy for letting me do that test.
Let's see... I was already going to be an hour late. You see, I was on a flier bus and I got so caught up with the novel I was reading that I practically rode that thing to the end of the line. As the final bus I needed came by the hour, I was pretty fucked in that scenario. Even so, I was intent on getting there one way or another. The school residences I passed by made me think back to the night before...
Ahh, my sweet obsession. She was feeling depressed. I wished I could really have a psychic-level of empathy, but I'm not superhuman. I think I've got more of a heart than a lot of people out there, but it just wasn't enough. All I could do was offer consolation to cheer her up and draw on some obscure knowledge that still didn't come close to what I knew I couldn't tangibly understand. I went to bed a little later, just trying to cheer her up and to feel my heart take on a new rhythm as my fingers tapped about the computer and I felt almost magnetically drawn to some leyline jutting out from my computer screen. Simple text, and yet I wanted to be all the more despondent to offer better consolation than just to offer some silly jokes that just suddenly would not enter my mind. I just knew that as long as she was distressed I wouldn't be so content just to focus on that homework that put my brain into all the more of a haze. I still can't believe, she sent a message to me. I at least mean something to her.
Alas--if only she didn't turn me into an emotional puppy-dog just at the thought of the pronunciation of her name...
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| Thursday, April 18th, 2013
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6:10 pm - The button.
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Lately I've felt that there's a switch in my brain that controls my attention span, energy, and everything else for that matter. If I accomplish a bit too much, my brain says, "You're good. Sleep now."
Today I finally had some conversation in Spanish--with rather knowledgeable (if not a bit conceited*) student with a photographic memory, and an ESL student from Spain.
I keep forgetting to check out the Mixxer, as it simply passes my mind. Now in possession of a fancy iphone, I can skype. It's helped me out some with school, actually. I never thought I'd be loving that thing, but I have been.
It was certainly nice to get some Spanish speech in. I also signed up to re-take the Math placement tests.
This Monday I shall see if I can speed through Chemistry. Otherwise, I have to take my sweet time on account of taking an additional Math class.
Biology will have me doing 12-hour school days.
On top of that, the way they organize the scheduling of the classes in my program with those of the Natural Sciences seems oriented towards keeping people away from getting a thorough knowledge of the subject.
I also will be unable to take Spanish 4.
Perhaps through a textbook and more gratuitous searching of conversation opportunities I can pull something off?
I really wasn't able to find a conversation partner until fairly recently as my time spent in the boonies for all my classes is prevents me from being downtown.
Same reason being El Presidente sucks for me.
More later... I've a gathering to attend.
1. We share a bit in common!
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| Sunday, April 14th, 2013
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12:20 am - I still want to type up something before I clonk out...
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It's becoming increasingly obvious to be that I may have some slightly nihilistic tendencies. There's also people probably more cognizant than I. This is a bit disconcerting. I think bad to the limited scope my mind generally has.
I'm not a mouth-breathing half-wit like so many out there, but I'm still a half-wit I'm more than sure.
I wandered about trying to find a place yesterday. I can bury my head in a book but my internal compass was shot long ago. I see left and right. I can see forward and back. I really can't ever hope to super-impose these.
I left a book out a little too obviously. Well, it's worse when I called up my dad, wondering if I left the notebook with the DnD campaign in my room. My dad as well as I are terrible at searching and the like. It's genetic or something. He did see the copy of Screw the Roses on my desk. My explanation, which wasn't entirely a lie when all is said and done was, "I'm studying abnormal psychology". And I am. The DSM, and then some BDSM.
He complained the next day about how I waste my time playing video games and reading the Onion, and how I'm just cluttering my brain. This pissed me off, since he is religiously glued to the television and I haven't played a video-game on my computer in close to a week now*. I know his mention of The Onion was just a cover, but I also like The Onion. It's quite an intelligent thing despite its silliness and the fact that it actually recycles old articles back into the paper from time to time.
Friday... I feel I could have gotten more reading in were it not for me being a DM.
Saturday... Busy with homework for one chunk, getting lost downtown for the other.
Sunday... Some time to read and study and stuff!
And FAFSA tomorrow.
1. When I noticed the speed at which I am getting through some of my books it just seemed appealing to lay off the games.
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| Thursday, April 11th, 2013
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9:33 am - It's back for now...
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My brain is working on a sort of overdrive. I've been reading. I am happy. I've remembered Spanish homework and I spent a little over a half-hour on it as I listened to Caravan of Thieves and looked for jobs online.
I want to farm. I want to actually use my Spanish. I want to travel. I may have an idea...
I'm reading Murakami right now. I love this writer with a passion. I picked up the DSM-IV from the library at my school. My step-nephew came over last night and he was so cruelly passed on to me. If it was any consolation, I had already gotten quite a bit done that day. I still have 30 more pages in the DSM till I can actually start reading about disorders. These thirty pages tell you how to read it.
I am also reading Work your Way Across the World. This book is helpful, painting a good image of all that I'll need to do.
With any luck, I could do A LOT of traveling. I just need to work while I'm at it. I have absolutely no complaints about that. I enjoy work. I can earn money, pay people back within the summer with the proper gall and work-ethic and really improve my resume, which I shall soon get to work on.
I picked up a couple of pamphlets that are actually USEFUL. It's amazing how many sites and sources just assume you've already written one--you just need help on improving it. FUCK YOU, assumptions. It's much like how you're not actually taught much of anything on medieval history or prior. Up to my senior year of high school, much of my knowledge of the Roman Empire was learned on my own. And even then... it was assumed in high school that we learned these things.
No we didn't!
Anyway...
And then I have a few more books to read/finish off. I can manage this...
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| Thursday, April 4th, 2013
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6:16 pm - Oh how poorly I understood it at first.
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I also skipped out on the last 10 pages or so of Venus in Furs later in the previous year as school popped up and I wasn't able to renew the book--perhaps due to its rarity in the library system.
It's a brilliant work and I clearly didn't see it the first time. The elements of sexism are non-existent. I'm rather stupid, ain't I?
In any case, I absolutely love that novella.
It's now my second-favorite book.
Also--rather appropriately--I have the Velvet Underground song stuck in my head.
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| Wednesday, March 20th, 2013
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7:52 pm - Biscuits, red-eye gravy, three eggs, a good(hyphen?)sized mug of coffee...
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That'll get you through a long day.
I still napped pretty hard afterwards with the cats being great company. Even the feral Puffer slept a few feet above my head.
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| Friday, March 15th, 2013
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12:44 pm - writing
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I see that mocking parody in my head. I seek to remain secluded. The innumerable people--loud and dirty--lead me to hiding where dark and silence can be found.
I keep seeing you. the bitterness shatters little molecular bonds as a faster decomposition is witnessed. My blood eats away at the very veins that contain it. You keep showing yourself.
It's that scorn--the disinterest. You are ephemeral; taking the form of others in the past. Stalking me, you laugh in my ear. Seeing so many I loath, fleeing and hiding is preferable. Alas! I must bide for it for twelve hours a day.
And you sneak through the cracks. You add to it all. Sometimes you don't even take a shape. You wrap your arms around my head and dispose of my faculties for a minute or more.
It's a joy to break free, but the only place to come back to is worthy of my loathing. I'd rather contend with you with philosophy and darkness. It becomes easier to sit and forget. Easier to forget company and enjoy my own.
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1:13 am - Things I frequently forget.
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You wake up at 11:30 in Dallas.
Wait, wrong author. I'm talkin' me in this case.
You wake up at 11:30, so reluctant to move. You stayed up late, hung out with a friend, had dinner and a movie. It's generally called Midnight Pie (regardless of time of day). It's a tradition. In the past we both had obnoxious schedules, so meeting around 10-12 to discuss the recent occurrences in our lives--and video games of course--was how we would socialize and hang out. Yesterday was certainly fun. In any case, it left me waking rather late in the morning.
Nothing short of a breakfast that most human beings don't deserve (let's consider both average work output and all the starving people out there), a cup of coffee and a run consisting of at least two miles can make a worker out of me. I did not attend to this schedule.
I'd stare at a school book and then walk back to playing some Last Stand*.
I question the point of learning Spanish. I enjoy it, but I instinctively try to not use it, think about it, etc., etc..
When I went running at 9, I felt so much better. Knocked off a chapter here and there in a few different books.
It's a little too late for Spanish now. I can still absorb information but I can't act any of it out.
I want to be fluent in Spanish. It must be done with reading.
I am a moron. I add to my repertoire of common sense at this point by reading.
I am also studying for a couple of DNR certifications. This requires more books.
I shall sleep now and take what comes and may not.
1. A survival mode in Dawn of War II: Retribution
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| Sunday, March 10th, 2013
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11:22 pm - Okay, so today is not procrastination; merely laziness.
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And despite enjoying these books, I will have to return them, much to my annoyance. Finish your next couple projects, all the while going easy on...
Pheh!
I'm sure that feeling will pass.
Common sense says return the algae books but continue on Waters of Wisconsin. I find this bit of information disconcerting.
You can't rely on something that isn't your best trait. Reading is second best.
Self-discipline and leadership are at the bottom. Can someone replace me at the World Language and Culture Club?
I'll need coffee tomorrow.
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| Saturday, March 9th, 2013
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5:54 pm - Hmm
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I may find myself picketing in the future. The bill was passed for that mine, which includes fancy little variances from the most rudimentary DNR standards.
Spanish is going better. I find myself with a weird sort of concentration and energy. I got a pair of books in the mail. I like books. Little chore money can go a long way. And sure, I don't have a job, but I am getting quite a bit of reading (some of it academic in nature) in. A pair of books on algae (from the library; not what came in the mail).
I enjoyed reading Lolita. I made relatively slow work of it, but I am reading again. This is important to me.
Soon I'll fit in some scheduling and start working on that waste-water permit. I will read like a fiend.
And yesterday, I could have been out and about. I could've gone to a restaurant downtown. I was looking forward to it for a month. Freakin' belly dancing! I love belly dancing. It's more than just some sensual thing, but the sheer level of skill that goes into the muscles. I forgot the term. It's to focus on something with the exclusion of everything else. Every little part of a six-pack would be working like a Jacob's ladder. Muscle control?
I may be one of the only people I know who enjoys reading textbooks. Even so, it's of some comfort that I haven't had to focus on that Microbiology textbook.
So much to learn...
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| Monday, March 4th, 2013
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10:25 am - Gotta love a grammar nazi. Oh, and Celtic Woman only stops by when I'm unemployed.
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Sleeping with still a bit of caffeine in your system. Occasionally I'd wake up for a couple minutes, alert as fuck, to use the vernacular. I'd pass out again, heart beating a mile-a-minute (to use another cliche). Waking up, I hate myself. I've grown lax. Of course, sometimes you don't think homework is all that hard and you hold it off, while utterly forgetting the homework in another class.
Laziness and forgetfulness is no virtue.
For every word I read, I seem to slip up on another. Almost done with Lolita--doing good on another book.
I forget some common-knowledge of Spanish.
When will the brainspace set aside for tying my shoes convert to knowledge of algae.
Not gonna buy "Venus im Pelz" for a while. I'd rather re-learn basic verb conjugation before I start learning whatever the German is for electricity.
current mood: extravagant
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shamshir_tin