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The murk that is my mind!

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Tuesday, August 26th, 2014
6:50 pm - A bit confused.
I was supposed to babysit, but I really don't know what's going on right now.
So far into the school year is nothing of note, which is probably for the best. I feel mentally unstimulated, which is for the best. That dream of mine of finding my own place, turning down all the lights and just sort of sitting there on all my off-days is something I hope to make my reality.
I could prepare food for myself, sit back and enjoy a book for myself. It really would be nice. In addition, family and friends could be an afterthought. My time could be spent quietly, just making my necessary excursions during holidays.
I don't seek adventure. I prefer hibernation.
I try not to think of her, but I'm not too successful. I try to plan out events to go to, people to meet.
Being alone at this point just seems preferable.
Maybe I will make some food or something.
Reading doesn't appeal to me right now.
Rest.
All I need is rest.
All the time.
Everything is draining, everything takes up too much of something that I cannot quite place.

current mood: dull

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Friday, August 22nd, 2014
1:58 pm - Droll Mind for a Droll Day
Whenever I sleep in my motivation is killed. I wanted to do so much, but I was in bed past 10 in the morning.
I was taking for granted the fact that working 9-5 over the summer has made me better at waking up early.
I'm still a late-riser by nature. I feel that this should not imply that I am lazy or lack energy, because I can kick ass at just about anything by noon.
---
I skipped out on two munches due to the fact that I just didn't have the energy. I am also a bit more vanilla than a lot of kinksters out there, so that's more reason for me not to get out there.
It was an enjoyable enough thing to be in a relationship, even if it was one that was destined to fail at the start. I kind of miss the feeling.
I still have great friends that can understand me and I can relate to on all matter of things, so there's not too much I'm really missing out on. The adage states, "bros before hoes". There is some truth to that.
---
I wanted to be up early among other things to hit up a coffee-shop and get some early studying in. There are distractions at home that are hard to avoid. I also wanted to buy tennis shoes that aren't falling apart.
---
I will put a lot of gaming on hold over the school year, and continue my avoidance of excessive reading. In fact, I just outright put all the books down, but a conversation with a friend made me want to finish off the Dune series.
---
So now I do nothing.

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Thursday, August 21st, 2014
12:57 pm - It's raining pretty hard.
So far today I've done nothing and I am okay with that.
My arms are sore enough where it hurts to extend them all the way.
It's not the day after going to the gym, but the day after that that gets you.
----
I could go to a munch today but I may just stay inside.
---
I feel compelled to write something of meaning but nothing is coming out.

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Tuesday, August 19th, 2014
1:01 pm - Today and Yesterday
I feel sometimes that I am just barely able to get by in living. I don't mean this in a money fashion, but in the respect of those people who need a psychiatrist with them 24/7.
I am a bit disappointing in terms of my sense of direction and travelling abilities. I at least share the typical male trait of not wanting to ask for directions.
You see, when they made changes to the freeway where along the airport, they really switched things up. I mean, we've got a fair share of roads in Wisconsin where you want to switch to the right lane to go left.
I took a wrong path at a few points and went on an adventure. I was exhausted after all this.
I have another week till school.
I feel surprisingly prepared.
I also intend on looking for a new part-time job. Perhaps some seasonal work?
I want a real job someday, but until then making ends meet at minimum wage is effective enough.
---
I still miss her.
---
I'm considering trying out Ritalin. I want control over my mind. I want permanent self-awareness; not the borderline insanity I'm so used to.

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Friday, August 15th, 2014
8:04 am - Shades Down
It's how I've come to enjoy staying indoors. Given how I used to spend much of my days wandering about outside or gardening, I've changed a bit.
Now it tends to be a bit too much. The light, the sounds, the smells--the artificial environment of my house is much more comforting. I look outside and feel safer.
Yesterday I biked home from work after an event. It was cool and past ten o'clock. The emptiness of the streets, the chilliness, and the length of my bike-ride took me back to when I went to a salsa-lesson event in downtown campus. I used to bike more, and at times like that it was a necessity due to all that is wonky with the bus. That day there was a basketball game that sort of shut down the lines in that part of the city. Naturally, I handled it with ease.
The following day I played Dungeons and Dragons.
 ---
Partway home yesterday I noticed the street that I so often might take via bus to reach Hypatia's. I wondered, what if I took that road and kept on going?
My goal of biking to Madison will have to wait another year I think, but the next off-day from school I know where I am going.
I go straight from work to school, with errands to run off the bat. Among them is that I have to get lab-work of some sort done. The receptionist at the doctor's office was under the impression that I was some moron for not being totally aware of this. She shared a similar attitude about how my prescription never arrived at the pharmacy.
Honestly, she can go eat a horse dick.
---
I haven't jogged as much this year. I often would claim that biking to and from work made it so that jogging could be forgotten for the day.
I'm not sure what convinced me of such stupidity.
Laziness. Of course.
I've at least gotten a certain variety of exercises in.
Tough Mudder is doable for me, but I won't shine as much as I could have.

current mood: woozy

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Wednesday, August 13th, 2014
10:33 pm - Getting better
This has been an interesting cough.
It was almost gone then came back with a vengence.
Oddly enough I did great at swimming today.
----
I am feeling good today, but numerous little things remind me of Hypatia.
A friend bought a back of mixed dice and we drafted out the dice we wanted. One reminded him of the set his ex bought.
This shows how slow recovery is.
Nonetheless, I can picture me being with someone else.
Just as of this moment nobody really compares.
I work a series of long shifts these next few days. I shouldn't stay up so late, but I know me well.
Either way, it's a later part in the day.
I will be worked like a dog for that stretch and then go right back to school.

current mood: sore

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Tuesday, August 5th, 2014
6:10 pm - Nothing Changes
I miss Hypatia, still. I mean, I don't really care for her as much anymore, but I still feel shitty and lonely. I'm thinking of looking back into the BDSM community. It's not entirely my thing, but maybe I'll meet someone who gets me.
----
Today is my first off-day in 6 days. Given how the start of the work week was a 12-hour shift, it can be believed that I was needing a day off early on in the week.
School is coming up and I'm a bit apprehensive. Of course, I did next to nothing all this break, so that may be why.
I've been thinking about how weeks disappear from my memory. I have no idea where the time goes, but weeks have passed and nothing has been done. Of course, I'm easily stressed, tired and sidetracked.
I returned the gazillion books I owe at the library. I checked so many out and forgot I even had them.
Zoo a la Carte is coming up and shortly after I will be back to school. I won't exactly have a nest egg set aside, but I'll have enough where being paid for just the weekends afterwards shouldn't hurt too much.
I'm still debating a job in addition to that. I wouldn't be able to handle it for more than a couple months, I'm sure.
I have not seen much for sun today, instead opting to hide in the shade of my room and either game or simply hide from the sun.
I'm tired, and I was at the gym this morning. I was sufficiently worn out. I'd love to do some swimming and yoga tonight, but I really feel like I need this veg-out day.
Nonetheless, I need to re-pot the coffee trees. They're in such a small container. They'll never grow.
Also, I've been craving hitting up a coffee shop. There is something to be adored in a specially-prepared cup of coffee and a well-made baked good. It has curative powers.
But that needs to wait.

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Saturday, July 26th, 2014
3:30 pm - An odd recovery.
This is my first weekend off since April or something. This never happens when I have a job, but it's the trade-off I get for that twelve-hour shift and all the hard-work I tend to put in.
I am a well-received person, and I can be around for about 30 hours a week and still be loved.
Of course, yesterday was a different story and I totally snapped.
I stand by it being justifiable, but my normally friendly and sociable personality is not something my reputation completely possesses at this point.
The cough is almost gone to the point where I've considered running today.
I will probably just do that tomorrow.
----
I had a dream involving Hypatia yesterday. She hinted at being willing to give me another chance. My dreams have been rather cruel as of late. This hasn't been the first time lately that my mind has been an ass to me while I've slept.
----
My grandfather died just a few days ago. It's an unfortunate thing and not something I'd prefer to put too much thought on. Given the whole him having dementia thing, it's worth noting that he supposedly died in his sleep. That's not something all are going to face. Death is inevitable, but a painless one seems rare.
All in all, it seems like one crappy thing just gets followed by another.
I just don't want to think of anything. I want to work and go about the same routine and never process another thought.

current mood: sleepy

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Thursday, July 17th, 2014
1:53 pm - Upper Respiratory Infection
I finally went to the doctor after close to two weeks--though I can't exactly say I procrastinated due to the fact that I worked for five days straight after it really hit me hard.
I just gave up on reading Coffee with Ghosts. It seemed a worthwhile read from the description, but it's far too vulgar and it really didn't seem to have much attention in regards to editing.
The actual writing knocks on editors early on and all around given how blah-inducing the read is, can I really blame someone for glazing over certain details?

Still sad over Hypatia. I really don't get over people very easily, but I'm already trying to divert my attentions. Anyway, I feel productive as of late, which is probably aided with the fact that there's a weight off my mind and my schedules are finally more open.
She enters from my mind and I may start insulting myself aloud or a sigh at the very least escapes. Time better heal this wound.

I hope this cough is gone soon enough. I still have a lot of errands to run, but some things are just being delayed till Monday. I really just want to buy a new pair of running shoes so I can take to sidewalks without bothering my knees. I'm not on the high end so far as money is concerned. It's not that I'm without money, but I don't have the funds to shell out money for as many large purchases at once as I'd like to.
I have Tough Mudder to continue training for. At this rate I will complete it but I won't be too impressed with myself. The race is easy enough and the obstacles can be covered with enough elbow grease and/or team work, but this doesn't mean that I will necessarily excel. This becoming an athletic paragon thing could go better. Still, my BP is 110/70.

current mood: egotistical

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Monday, July 14th, 2014
11:30 pm - But before I go to bed...
I may as well go into detail on the past few days while it all is fresh.
I had a pretty annoying cough the week before. It was apparently possessing certain more insidious traits, as within the day of Hypatia dumping me I was a little foggy headed.
Granted, I felt pretty shitty in general, but work provided something of a distraction. It wasn't until biking home that I was getting woozy. It was rather dark, I was randomly grumbling to myself and occasionally riding a bit wobbly.
The next day I wanted to punch the crap out of strangers and I had a sore throat and some soreness. Follow that work day with a baseball game and the misery only increases.
It was another day of sickness after that.
The whole thing felt like a mini-flu crossed with a cold. All the while I had to wait till Tuesday--or tomorrow--to finally get a day off.
I wanted to lay around the house and sob and scream.
But the sickness and the duty that is a job prevented any of that.
I still have the TB-inspired cough right now, but I'm 1000x better than I was two days ago.
So, a few good things out of the bug I had:

  1. It made me less talkative simply because talking wasn't all that doable.

  2. It perhaps deadened some more unpredictable emotions.

  3. It helped put a lot in perspective

  4. It gave me a distraction from my misery by adding more misery.

My thoughts tend to wander, as these posts frequently reveal. The occasional subject brings me to thinking of Hypatia and some sadness falls over me. I never thought the Canterbury Tales crossing through my head could make me feel so crestfallen.

Still, it's oddly the dullness and lack of--well, so much--that is catching me off guard.
I was always afraid she'd break it off. I frequently wondered, is this the week?
Well, the wondering is done and the creature to which I pored so much thought into has pushed me away. There's something of a void there now. It's not so much that I feel myself getting over her as it is I feel myself getting over everyone.

current mood: dull

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Saturday, July 12th, 2014
4:35 pm - Double Whammy
And now I have a bug that's bad enough where I needed to leave work early.
On Thursday I felt dejected enough, but in two days this horrid cold took me too.
I've varied from sadness to wanting to slug the crap out of the nearest person.
I'm usually happy and talkative but I had no desire for that today.
So on top of all this unhappiness I'm coughing up a lung too.
And still, I miss Hypatia. I suppose it's nice to have a bug in such a case. It takes my mind off of things.
Yes, this bug is a good thing.

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Friday, July 11th, 2014
7:33 am - Sleep would be nice.
Really, a lot of things would be better than work right about now, but such is life.
I should probably water my garden. I got so used to the constant deluges we've been having in Wisconsin that I lost track of a lot of yard-work. On top of that, the mower is still in the shop. Now, it wasn't that I didn't know how to replace the wheels, but that the bolts and the like were rusted and would have required better tools that what exist in our garage.
A pitchfork tends to be my best friends, but in this case such a tool is less than useless.

Let's see, Hypatia dumped me.
So there's that to contend with. It makes me want some solitude and quiet even more.
There's also the occasional bout of tears or the need to punch the nearest wall and shout.
That could just be my disappointment with my awful breakfast.
I should get ready for work.
Not much for me to do now but keep to myself.

current mood: shitty

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Thursday, June 26th, 2014
11:47 pm - I'm kind of staring in an out of nothingness.
There's nothing wrong--it's just late, is all.
Today was largely a big day of doing nothing.
I mowed a portion of the lawn, but one of the wheels broke off partway through. You really can't fix something like that on the spot.

I was lethargic. I had a full day off with next to no responsibilities and I reaped it for what it was worth.
I needed a day like that.

There's always something to do and even if it isn't much that's still a portion of my day gone. While it is true it set me to thinking about my mortality and what little I've accomplished, the rest was still necessary. The muscle weakness, lethargy and crummy attitude were from something or another.
You need to increase your caloric intake.
All this biking and swimming I've been doing has been great, but while at work I've been doing my best to avoid all of the garbage food. This isn't an easy feat, and the result is my lunch breaks involving soft pretzels and fruit cups.Things are routinely falling off the roll-out tray of my desk as I type. It's an annoyance but I can't be bothered to care much. The lion merely swishes his tail at the fly.
Today I talked with a personal trainer and I was informed that I was at a quick observation somewhere under 6% body fat or something like that. I forget the terminology, but I'm a lot leaner than the average for one in my size and age category. Shit like that is how I get referred to as a twinkie*.
Anyways... that train of thought really wasn't going to go anywhere.
Oh, right.
I'm trying to become something of a paragon of physical fitness. The intellectual thing has not been working for a long time so I'm just going to keep jogging and stuff.
I'm going paycheck to paycheck but that's a vast improvement on where I was before. I still need two new pairs of shoes. One will be a pair of proper tennis shoes so I can run on concrete without destroying my knee too much and the other pair will be so I don't have a giant hole in my shoe while I'm at work.

I've continued to be a bit worried about the whole thing between me and Hypatia--namely the lack of a thing. It had been nagging at me for a while to be honest and was kind of wondering when we might end up breaking up. I've fawned over those who did not feel the same in the past and it has always been a painful thing.
And yet, we talked ever so briefly on the phone today and I am back to missing her. Her voice and all the little things she says just lighten my heart.
We rarely meet as she is frequently busy with something or another, so can I really be blamed for having doubts about so much?
Of course, worrying about stagnancy and the like doesn't imply that I don't adore her. I do, though I wonder how much that will actually matter.




1. Well, except that I'm straight.

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Friday, June 13th, 2014
11:25 pm - Advil is Great
Such a title makes for a good summation of where I am at. To pair this with yellow rice, pizza and ample amounts of siracha can only make matters better.
A brief summary:

  • A filled up the raised-bed portion of my garden for the most part, but it still does not feel like enough. While I realize it's a bit late for corn, I still want to grow a small patch for the hell of it.

  • I've since finished reading (some time ago, really) The Physiology of Nematodes.

  • The constant biking has left me sore, because jumping from no biking to going some 14 miles a day due to work can put some new stress on the body. The pain of a workout does not hit me the day of, but rather the day after. I was in a horrible state in every way, including psychologically.

  • Things are going well enough with Hypatia. Perhaps both of us are a little afraid. I mean, I feel like I'm in an uneasy limbo.

  • I checked out a book on Forensic Entomology since sleep is for suckers.

  • Before the Advil kicked in I was shouting and flopping onto my bed. The day before every bone was going "snap, crackle, pop".

  • I live in Wisconsin, the land of serial killers, bigamists and apparently now deluded girls who spent time on 4chan. I mean, if you're going to attempt murder in the name of a fictional character, why chose something as infantile as Slender Man?

  • Again, Advil is great.

  • I'm interested in Magic again, and I also have the energy to start some late job-hunting.

  • Customer service is horrid. I just work at the front in a cafeteria, but it still makes me hate everyone.

  • I was hating myself these past few days, but the past couple hours spent have dulled the self-loathing.

  • I just want to finish my last two semesters and then get a job anywhere that the pay is above $8/hr. I've been thinking more and more to work at some place that sells supplements or exercise equipment. Then maybe I could pursue my odd little fantasies and hobbies.

    - Of course, I doubt I will ever be qualified for McMurdo.     - Is it so wrong for someone just to want to dedicate themselves to reading about stuff like that?

  • I've not quite been of the most stable sort as of late, but those interests into biology have been sticking for a while.

  • I would like to read a bit before going to bed, but I have work tomorrow.

  • The vegetarian diet I've been debating continues to be put on hold.

  • Also, when you consider how so many factory farms keep the animals, it makes one think how bad eating veal is. People have something against eating babies, so they got their own little qualifications early on.

    - Plus, no hormones, since they're going straight to your stomach.

  • I just want to be an Iron Man someday is all... If I can attain that I will be far more content with myself as a human being.

  • This feels complete.



current mood: Advil is great

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Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
12:38 pm - A productive day cut short
Of course, sleeping in always does that, but my average time to wake is not 9 as opposed to 10. That Thursday I had last semester might have helped, where after two twelve hour days in a row, I slept it off on Thursday mornings. I didn't get much done, but perhaps I'm a little less of a mid-day guy.
I mean seriously, I can be very productive, but I'm not a morning person. I fail to understand how you do it, Hypatia.
Honestly, this post isn't about her so much, but it's relevant enough if I'm covering as of late.
We finally went out for the first time in what I think was a month. It went rough patch, then busy schedules. I was happy to see her, but I also learned not to go cold turkey on the coffee, as my headache told me so obviously.
I was talkative, but as usual prone to my moments of just silent awkwardness.
She may end up relocating depending on the job she gets. :( I suppose I could take the bus. She's definitely worth taking the bus for.
I still have to swim and return a rented book today.
I use "I" a lot, I've noticed. (That one hurt.)
----
Lately the idea of being an iron man in 6 years time has returned to awareness. Climbing Everest also sounds fun, but perhaps going a distance of 140.6 or so in one day is enough of a goal for me already.
----
It's also become a bit more obvious to me how much I've mellowed out. I mean, I'm still king of an ass and I have my pet-peeves, but you have to start somewhere.

current mood: okay

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Thursday, May 22nd, 2014
11:59 pm - I feel like posting.
The A&P-2 lecture test was easy, as was the lab exam.
Granted, with my mornings open due to my program classes ending a week early, I actually had time to study.
Of course, panic feeds into it too. I work better under pressure and that is not an excuse. I also had an ample amount of food, including a coffee cake I bought. My second check is a little slow to come, so I continue to wait as I work with what amounts to about $25. I just hope I have some money by the time I meet up with Hypatia again.
It hasn't been just her and I in a while, though her graduation party gave me an opportunity to see her. I was a bit lethargic that day, staying stable with the power of coffee. I said nothing excessively stupid, aside from a horrid pun here and there, and got along with her family fairly well.
Still, we haven't been alone together since that rockiness earlier. I'm thinking some take-out food and movies would work well.
---
I keep staring off into nothing and losing track of what I'm typing. I think I'll sleep now. Today has been a fairly productive day.

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12:48 am - As of Late
Gaming has decreased in any potential gratification it might have otherwise gotten me. When playing poorly in Dota yesterday and accidentally throwing the game, I was told that I need to "practice more". I've heard these remarks before used on me or on others and I couldn't help but think as I have in the past, why should it matter?
Practicing at a video game is contradictory behavior, and gaming in of itself it rather empty gratification. I started really playing in order to just take away the stress of the day, but to play a game for outright pleasure now seems odd. It beckons to the reward pathways in the brain, completely ignoring anything else.
It's a drug.
And a stupid one.
Like smoking.
While it's true this winter was cold and I had 12-hour schooldays fairly regularly, I can't help but wonder where the time went. I realize I was undernourished many days, and I sat around in school trying to stay awake, as sleep was not something that could be effectively had. I found myself with textbooks, but little resolve or concentration. The resolve thing is something I am still trying to understand, but concentration just wasn't going to happen.
I've got a year left in my program and I am burnt out in my motivation. All I know is that I hate my job and I am starting to more consciously hate myself.
The self-loathing was always there, but now it's stronger.
In the past I've woken up from naps with this overpowering shame and disgust with myself. I am unlikely to accomplish anything if I am sleepy, but the way this feeling would rear its ugly head after a short sleep was a horrifying one indeed.
I have friends finishing their bachelors degrees and moving into apartments, traveling Europe as part of work, fixing their cars by hand and finding themselves in their careers. I still live with my parents and I wasted years thinking culinary was the path for me, nonetheless being secretly aware with dawning horror how unfitting such a program was for me.
I feel like I am on the right path now, but that I have a lot of catching up to do. I really don't know how the school semesters pass by the way they do. They are in no way short, but the time does go by at a considerable rate.
I changed my Psychology paper subject at the last moment due to my friend getting a case of the stomach flu. It only seemed appropriate to do the paper on a psychological examination of Lovecraft. This became rather difficult rather fast. Lovecraft gives you a lot to work with on a psychological case study. While it's true that Freud's theories are now largely ignored or laughed at, Howie seemed like a classic case. I went with the psycho-sexual stages of development, citing his asexual tendencies and disorganized behaviors as involving too much attention in the oral phase, too little attention in the anal phase, and the phallic stage involving its own little issues.
Anyway, I need to finish that paper up. It is hard to do such an undertaking in such a short amount of time.
I'm just a pit panicky and tired since my homework in that class was a bit poor. It wasn't even difficult stuff, but it was usually on the backburner while I worked on other quizzes and papers. As a result, I have an A+ until that homework is graded.
I need sleep, I need focus, I need discipline, I need memory, I need a new brain.

current mood: teetering over a bunch of shit

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Sunday, May 11th, 2014
12:03 am - Of Much Importance.
These finals are something. Still, that's not the key matter.
It's my notebook, the notebook I left on the bus on Wednesday.
It was not turned into lost and found so it's either trashed or stolen.
It really hurts when that notebook was given to me by Hypatia.
A lost notebook is bad enough already.
I need those and I've been thinking of just going without a book for some while, to honor the book I lost.

---
We've talked a little but otherwise she and I have both been rather busy.
I still have studying to do. Frick.

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Wednesday, May 7th, 2014
11:55 pm - I am just going with whatever the day may absolutely require.
I haven't had a day free of school and work for at least two weeks now. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have night classes.
Just a couple more weeks to go...
Hypatia has been busy likewise, leaving us little time to even talk on the phone. We left on a rather mixed note. I mean, her giving me a chance at all has to say something.
I also just left in the middle of my blogging to go on TV Tropes.
There went 20 minutes.
I need to sleep soon.
I have an A+ so far in Psychology, though it's not as significant given how short on sleep I was. A couple of easy questions were not answered all that correctly. I still have an A+, but not as much of one.
It does feel good to have money what with this job and all.
I think I'll just go to bed now.

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Tuesday, April 29th, 2014
11:54 pm - But what about jogging?
I was considering going jogging in favor of more sleep but I have my doubts now. I missed some reading that could probably help with the mock scenario we are doing at school tomorrow.
We shall all be clothed in some amount of protective gear or another. It will be a new experience, for sure.
Today I stayed downtown a little longer, deciding to read for a bit while eating at a pub. The sandwich was far too salty for my taste and the waitress couldn't count change*.
I sometimes feel quite a bit of toxin building up in me when just seeing and hearing people. There is a recycling bin right outside the door (less than a yard away from it) and yet that is too much work for my classmates who would prefer to merely toss the stuff in the trashcan in the classroom.
I see many things wrong with this.
I stepped out of that class at one point just to get some space from the videos we were watching. It seemed like one video on cancer or various growths or another. While it does not hit home in the least bit, it is just a bit much. I took the walk to the sixth floor bathroom and entered the combination necessary to get into the sub-room where all the lockers for the culinary students are.
While I am no longer one who attends that program, I find myself in that room every so often. It is abandoned at any point past three or four in the afternoon, leaving me a quiet and fairly clean room to sit in and think in.
Finding a private spot in a college is not always so easy, but much to my joy such a place exists for me and me only.
I drove in the rain today. It was rather terrifying given how slight milliseconds would occur where I would be offered zero visibility. The downpour was bad enough, but getting behind a truck would result in splashes and puffs of mist. In such cases my moments of visibility still existed, but were scarce enough to cause me to white-knuckle through it.
Hypatia is busy with school and so am I.
I think I'll go jogging tomorrow instead. Psychology was cancelled for tomorrow and I could not be happier. I mean, really. It's a night class and it isn't the most enriching experience.
Last year's A&P class was always a pleasure.
Looking back, I could see how easily I get stressed out.
When Hypatia first met me, I was drinking coffee at many points in the day and sleeping was something that I had time for but rarely partook in.
I found myself a little mood-swingy, as my older posts would suggest. At one point I even typed up a post on school and brought up the subject of Uncanny Valley. There was a certain illustration my rather eccentric teacher brought up of someone's portrayal of a Grey. It really did make my blood run cold at first glance, but I was a bit short on sleep.
In my formative years, AMC and similar stations were often left on without a second thought. I was exposed to psychic zombies, space-aliens that caused nosebleeds and Hellraiser.
My imagination tends to go of its own accord and I'm not a particularly stable person even if I am a bit phlegmatic.
Horror can get to me.
I am also short on sleep, so I think I'll just review this material on the bus.
I wish I could do more, but it is already getting late.
I have been getting fat. By that I mean my muscle has zero tone.
I went swimming a few days back and I absolutely sucked.
My ability to properly time my breaths is not too great and on some days it works while on other days it's not even worth trying.
I mean, I try.
I haven't been jogging as much either and I can feel it.
I am working again, but am surrounded by unhealthy food as a result.
The semester is almost over.
This week is honestly not too intense. By and large, the biggest of my assignments are done. Last week consisted of me flopping on everything, but it's out of the way regardless.
I am reading more seriously into soil science.
Soil technician seems like a job that is more up my alley.
There is a lot I'd like the post about, ranging from conversations on the bus, to nematode excreta, to minor worries, to side projects I am planning involving carrots and a few years set aside to grow them....
Now let me rest...


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1. a whole five dollars and thirty-three cents went uncounted

current mood: annoyed

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