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Monday, September 19th, 2016
5:29 pm - Life so Far
This year in general has been pretty crazy. Given what a late social bloomer I've generally been, the year has been rather packed.
I'm now living with my girlfriend in an apartment. Adulting isn't easy, but I'm living with the one I love, so it balances out pretty well.
I'm about ready for Tough Mudder. I just need one more long run, 1-2 runs on the dirt trail, and two occasions swimming. That will put me in the right place both physically and mentally.
Finding time to train has been harder this year, but I've made it work.
Banjo has also come along. I can finally play Worried Man Blues pretty well. I could still improve immensely as a whole, but this is promising. That's about all 'cause I'm a bit tired right now.
G'night.
P.S.
It's raining! So cool.

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, May 17th, 2016
8:58 pm - Brief Sum-up
The job is whittling away at me some more. It's a shame I had to focus on school the last couple weeks. There were some applications I put on hold, which means even more time stuck where I am.

Banjo is going well. The majority of any recreation time I have has largely been displaced, and I'm making some real progress at Cripple Creek.

I can run a full hour, but not without taking like eight cough drops over the course of the run. Still, if this is what I need to do to get back into shape, it's what I'll do.

current mood: okay

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Friday, May 13th, 2016
10:06 pm - I guess a lot has gone on.
This has been a rather insane year so far, but at least April calmed down a bit. That vacation I took during Spring Break really spared me some future insanity, as I needed a break from a lot of things.
There was a lot of shit on my plate and it forced me to come to realize a few things.

------
So far: I haven't gotten too much reading in, which in many ways I find weird. I have lost a lot of interest in video games, which previously sapped a lot of my time. I haven't been joggin much the past couple weeks, due to a combination of allergies and finals.
I've been sick at several points this year, with me catching the flu at least twice, possibly even three times. This has been intermittent with a couple cases of rhinovirus, sometimes back to back. My most recent sickness transitioned right into early allergies, with my horrid cough coming back with a vengeance.
Needless to say, running has been difficult. In fact, the past two times I've ran, I went only so far before succumbing to a coughing fit and throwing up. Mind you, I coughed till the other was bound to happen. I can still run an hour when uneffected by allergies, but this kind of shit is preventing me for going longer than a half-hour. I practically have a fit on the dot!
-----
I picked up the banjo in March or so, having gotten a metric shit-ton of overtime on a check just around the time my refund came in. Much as I had been planning since last year, I finally bought the banjo. I started lessons around May. It's a slow process, but the progress is very much real. When talking to some folks online, I found that perhaps I should give it a while before I tackle a Jonathan Coulton song.
I wonder if I can learn Old Time Religion before the next filk meetup.
----
There was a death in my family, and that left me depressed for some time, to say the least. The whole thing was a catalyst and I found myself hating every living being. I'm over that, but it's hard to forget how horribly twisted I was with rage and depression.
After going through all that I can confidently say I'm a bit less of a socialite.
I did learn drinking helps me concentrate. It slows me down, but it does allow me to focus easier. I know that sounds weird, but I was getting a lot of reading and studying done in bars for a while.
I haven't wanted to play D&D for months, but then the payoff wasn't too great. I work weekends and generally forget to take off. This means I'd lose out on a lot of sleep and not really do too much of anything fun to make the sleep deprivation worth it.
Fell out of Magic the Gathering too, but then a few people have, so what's the loss there?
Really I've opted out on hanging out with anyone in favor of practicing at the banjo.
Again, I'm not any good at it, but playing a few rolls and working at Cripple Creek is a very enjoyable process.
Plus I feel myself growing distant from many of my friends.
---
Which goes on to the next subject. I find that some of my outer-circle friends have become more reliable. I can't entirely understand all the reasons, but many of those people were always the folks I could relate to the most. I'm happy to know them. We may not share all the same hobbies, but we share the same wavelength.
You know?
--
There's been some other crazy shit going on, but this is something I need to mull over myself. I don't feel comfortable to publicize much more, but life has been on a serious upswing as a result. Give me a month and I'll be more solidified in my thinking.
-
Kiiiinda got a crush on a co-worker. Gonna see where this goes first. We work closely together, given we're both baristas*.
Oh, and on a side note my coffee trees finally croaked last month.
Where was I? Ah, yes. It's about wavelengths again. I feel comfortable around her. Like, being myself isn't a liability.
I seriously have to dampen aspects of myself to be likable to the people I generally like. The fact that I'm a loud-mouth, masochistic, bubble-brained... it doesn't work too well with a lot of folks.
Sure, a few cougar/dom-types seem to like me, but for some reason I like to be valued beyond some plaything. And you know, for someone who wishes to be serious, I am perhaps lacking in a serious personality.
And you know, after that last s&m disaster in January or whenever, I just feel like I'm a sadder, but wiser man.
I'm a romantic sort, and here's to hoping I find someone to share that spark with.


1. This is a skill not shared by too many on the job. I should really share some of my latte hearts sometime.

current mood: introspective

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Friday, February 5th, 2016
11:33 pm - Quick Recap
Reading is going well, school is going well and I even went running on the treadmill today.
Also been binging on Steven Universe.
I had an interview that went fairly well, but given all the other people going for it, I have my doubts. This does give me hope on landing more interviews on places with labs.
That's about it.

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Friday, January 29th, 2016
5:07 pm - It's innate.
I did not know that I needed a break, until I had off for these two days straight. As such, I did not do too much. I'm partway through a movie, which I am very much enjoying, though there was a bit to get done today, so I've watched it in chunks. I've been enjoying the Shannarra Chronicles. MTV must be doing something right, because I couldn't quite get into the books.
I think my hands still stink of the pesticide I just worked with. Growing coffee trees has created some novel challenges, and as such I've had to display some flexibility. They got hit by the drop in temperature a week or so back. A lot of the leaves are bound to die and flake off, but they've lasted a couple years already.
I have a bit of a green thumb, but apparently it's more of a scurvy-hue than the dark green of the forest.
I went running yesterday. As I spent two weeks ill and was admittedly lazy the following week after that. I was four miles in before I was exhausted and in fear of injury. In my experience it takes a week of laziness to get out of shape in terms of cardio. As I ran only twice in the past three weeks, I am honestly back at the drawing board.
I've been considering third-shift work. It would suit me and the odd hours would keep me away from others, giving a false sense of independence.
As I am working reduced hours and I'd like to take one of my cats to the vet. His limp has forced him to duck-walk at points.
I need more work, even if it is third shift.
----
I intend to get more into filk. I've been enjoying it.
There's something about music that tunes a person into the minds and experiences of others. While books give me a sense of connection with humanity and the planet, music gives me a sense of the cosmos.
----
School is okay. I'm in a lower level math class, but I'd like to study ahead and see if I can get into more appropriate classes for a college student.

current mood: relaxed

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Friday, January 8th, 2016
8:56 pm - .
Today was reasonably productive, what with me going running and reading quite a bit.
I still don't feel quite right. I think I may give up on bdsm for a while, instead focusing on maybe a vanilla relationship?
I feel myself alternating between rage and helplessness. I'm confused and disgusted.
I want to be a bit more normal now.
I shall aim for that.
Right after I spend the rest of my Friday night reading books.

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Tuesday, January 5th, 2016
2:52 pm - On the Nature of Things
Plans for today:

  • Finally get my haircut, as well as look into some red hair-dye.

  • Go to the gym, as the better running days are pretty much anything that isn't today.

  • Buy some more vegetables, lean towards being a vegetarian.

  • Continue to go easy on the coffee. I'm groggy, but I will just have to fight through it.

  • Maybe set up a dating profile. This seems like a good idea lately.

  • Remember to read from time to time.

_________

s&m:
Somebody lost my trust yesterday and I've been avoiding their texts. I find myself shuddering when I consider the full nature of the situation. I'm fine, but I just feel a bit dirty, fuming.
I don't intend for this to turn me away from a hobby that was looking fruitful for a while, but I need to re-evaluate a lot of stuff.

_________

Thoughts as of this moment:
I may have to use the treadmill as it's getting late and the pool will most likely be crowded. 

current mood: contemplative

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Monday, December 21st, 2015
4:59 pm - Update
And here we have the shortest day of the year, the entirety of which as been clouded and dreary. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I returned to work yesterday. I can say with confidence I will be in the hole this January, but I should be able to get my shit together (monetarily speaking, that is) by February.
I attended a play party last Saturday. I'm glad I didn't freak out and sneak away early, but I had to fight that urge for the first couple of hours. I'm making progress on that front, and I wasn't too out of shape the following day. Hell, I even ran for 8+ miles.
All in all, it's weird how sometimes I don't think I involved myself with anything all that extreme, but there's still that crash that follows the following day. Long ago I was informed that endorphin hangovers are a thing, but that went to the back of my head until I found myself driving home from the party and laughing maniacally. I mean, the hangover hadn't set in so much as I was still coming down from the high.
In other news I still feel a bit focused, though I haven't quite had the time the past few days to do much quality reading. I shall fix that for an hour tonight.
Ah, and there are still more lab jobs to apply for.

current mood: relaxed

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Sunday, December 13th, 2015
5:04 pm - Week 1 Completed
This past week could perhaps have been more productive, but on all but one I managed to get something accomplished.
Over the past few weeks I've gotten more involved in the BDSM community. I enjoyed some play a few days back. Admittedly, I needed some space from humanity in general after that. The whole experience felt like a bit of an overload.
Fortunately, there is a supportive community to lean on. When someone offers to be your bail-out call it really says something about their character. And you know, I similarly helpful people at every munch I go to. I feel less alone, less weird. I don't know when I'll be in another vanilla relationship, but I think following the route I'm going for a while may be just what I need.
----
Today is beautiful. It's 60 degrees, gloomy, and rainy. Days like these make me feel great. As of this moment I am listening to a podcast about number stations, combining with the steady patter of rain and darkness to leave me feeling whole.
----
Also a few things I've done:

  • Christmas shopping is almost complete

  • I attended a filk night. I really aught to attend more.

  • Various chores

  • Being social!

---
I have one more week of vacation to go. I wonder if I can still fit in visiting Thirst Edition, visiting Madison, and going swing dancing. The latter two I know I can at least combine.

current mood: Amazing

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Monday, November 9th, 2015
11:37 pm - Sleep Shall Soon Consume Me
I've getting a bit sleepy, but like yesterday I'd prefer to fight it for an hour or so. I felt the need to do so yesterday, though I got nothing of note accomplished.
I've got to deduce a lot of things, as everything is a bit weird lately.
My health is different. I've been sick once or twice and have had more days of fatigue. I've found myself physically and emotionally exhuasted for little to no reason for a few interspersed days.
I've been running a lot less, and when I do I can only do less than an hour before exhaustion begins to set in.
On the matter of running I intend to hit and orthopedist in the new two weeks. I've had occasions where I had an unexpected spike of pain on my arch.
I've also been hungry as all hell. Despite my lack of running I'm back to a metabolism spike.

current mood: tired

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Wednesday, November 4th, 2015
10:07 pm - Update

  • Work is thankfully slowing down for the fall, shortening my hours in time for looking at other work.

  • I'm looking into furthering my education, with my interests leaning more towards entomology than microbiology.

  • Given the state of this state, I'm considering getting my entomology degree elsewhere.

  • I've been going easy on the running, which is likely for the best. Of course, this means I have to make up for it with other activities.

  • A friend of mine is getting married. Yay!

  • I suppose that's all for now.



current mood: tired

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Monday, October 26th, 2015
10:35 pm - A Brief Recap
Yesterday I managed to get quite a bit done early in the morning. I spent the rest of it doing nothing.
I am not ashamed, as I needed that.
I've been overworked, to the point where I started breaking down this past Saturday, as I was left to work on my own on a busy day. This is an issue as making espresso and steaming milk is a tedious project. You can rush it, but only about as fast as the machine will allow you. The other nearby station had people to spare, but I was left to work on my own save for a point or two early in the morning. This meant I was taking orders and making numerous drinks as the line was always around three or more people.
At a certain point I was cut early. I was shaking and twiching and ready to either curl up and rock back and forth or maybe physically attack and person.
Even after leaving it took a good hour for those symptoms to die down a bit.
I've been pulling overtime and a regular basis, with this next paycheck covering some 100 hours.
Why yes, I'm far from invincible.

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Tuesday, October 6th, 2015
11:03 pm - Stuff's Been Going On
I'll keep this short as I'm about ready to clonk out:
I've been looking at coffee shops for jobs, given I'm tired of my current one and I know my hours will have to be cut for the winter.
Today wasn't really draining, but I've been out looking at cars the past couple days, so that day disappeared quickly enough.
I have the money saved up and and a loan will come quite easy.
I'd like to move out by spring and sign up for a class or two in the spring. Long story short, I hope to do microbiology next fall.
I should check to see if any openings have popped up at Bloodcenter.
You know, I think I need to rest.
Losing focus.
G'night.

current mood: sleepy

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Sunday, September 13th, 2015
5:11 pm - Sitting in Darkness
I recharge better in the dark. The sun creates one too many sensation.
I found this online and felt a little better about the current state-of-mind I'm in. I'm thoroughly spent after this Tough Mudder and was in need of some goddamn space and quiet for weeks.
I'll probably head out to stuff my face with food, though throughout the day I've been a little too burnt out to even eat much.
It irks me that I still have quite a bit to get done, such as visiting the DMV and looking at cars and looking into a new graphics card so my screen doesn't go black when I have too many tabs open.
I was informed of some other places I could try applying for.
I hope to move out by winter or spring of next year. It won't be easy, but I'd sooner have that than never being alone. I wonder how much ramen it would take to fill-up before another Tough Mudder.

current mood: burnt-out

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3:17 pm - The Current Situation
-I wanted to give blood today or tomorrow, but I have the typical post-run sickness. I'm scraped up, sunburnt and sore all over. On top of that I came down with something, making blood-donation a bit difficult.
-$99 set aside for the banjo as of this rate, though I'm debating using it for a kantele instead. It's not that I don't like banjo, I'm just questing its verstatility. I could go with a five-stringed banjo, which can work functionally as a guitar, thereby allowing me to hit lower notes and just making more songs acessible.
-I'm sort of against any sort of motion today.
-That is all.

current mood: tired

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Tuesday, August 25th, 2015
9:54 pm - A summation
I vegged out the entire day. It was cloudy and cool for its entirety, yet totally free of rain.
I relished this, seeing it as an opportunity to finally watch Watchmen. It was pretty good, I guess. It did a lot of things differently from other films at the time, perhaps owing to how it was faithful to the comic panel by panel.
Three hours spent watching it...
I regret nothing.
I fucking needed this after a seven-day workweek. 

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Monday, August 24th, 2015
10:45 pm - A lot to spill.
WORK:
Now, even though a mocha latte is a hot drink, plenty of customers are stupid and think the "iced" part is implied. This has resulted in occasions in the past where a person will watch me steam the milk and pour the drink, only to say "I wanted iced" after the whole process.
Having learned from this, I now go through a whole process of asking people each little thing and typing it into the receipt, which also shows on a small screen facing the customer.
So when someone tells me I got their order wrong--despite that being utter bullshit--after this whole process, I should be canonized for not screaming at them to leave my sight.
This was today, Monday. The previous five days were rather unpleasant. The first one involved me being alone and forced to someone prepare the coffee shop for a four-day event. The following four involved that four day event.
I worked twelve hours day after day and managed to survive, only really snapping once on those four. I was alone most of that time, and there were points where I was so busy taking orders and making drinks that I couldn't even find the time to grind up some beans for another carafe.
This was too much for me.

RUNNING:
Well, I'm not injured, so there's that.

MISC:
I asked out a co-worker and was up to going out, but stuff popped up, then there was Zoo Ala Carte. We talk here and there, but I'm starting to think that nothing's going to happen.
But hey, I tried.




current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, August 4th, 2015
9:05 pm - Feeling Sharper
I may cut a few corners in today's blog due to me accidentally deleting it halfway through.
I wound up getting too indecisive on whether to do yoga to relieve some of the issues that running has been lately causing me, or to instead go to a meeting on protocol and safety tips when going to dirty parties. In any case, I stood immobilized by indicision. I wound up finding too much time had gone by and I stayed home.
I still intend to swim tonight.
Perhaps I'll run tomorrow morning. I like sleep, but I work with coffee all day, so it's not too bad.
---
I got to hang out with some friends a few days back, allowing me to finally get the social exposure I've been needing lately.
Nothing of note has been done as of late. The days just dissapear.
I haven't played a video game in weeks, leaving Steam just sitting there on my screen to gather dust. I've been busy it seems.
---
I've been considering asking out someone at my work. In all honesty I don't know much about her other than she's cute and geeky, but my usual extreme of not acting at all ever has taken its toll on me.
---
I suppose my writing comes to an end here.

current mood: tired

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Saturday, August 1st, 2015
6:23 pm - Energy Usage
Yesterday I was fatigued, crashing after work and being unable to find the energy to swim, led alone even feel 100% confident in my driving ability.
Today I'm much better. Work was hellish today, as it should be in the summer. As a general rule, a tough day leaves me with more energy than a slow day.
Today I swim, then perhaps go for a run.
I felt like typing more, but I feel like this was all that was in me. 

current mood: okay

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Wednesday, July 22nd, 2015
10:08 pm - Managing Energies
Today was a day worth recounting. Hell, these past few days have been worth recounting:
COFFEE SHOP
Today stands out notably for the day they took my tip-cup away. Apparently there were complaints about it creating jealousy and/or implying for some that we as public employees could be bribed.
The people who complained have clearly never been to a coffee shop in their lives. A tip-jar is common custom, and I have to give people back singles today that they placed on the counter for my partner and I.
And that in many ways is the annoying thing. It's not so much being deprived of $5-15 extra per day as it is the number of people I'll have to explain to that we don't except tips.

READING
I stopped reading Invertebrate Neurobiology due to me merely losing track of it. I have begun re-reading Dune. Good stuff. I'd like to tackle a few more books though.

FITNESS
I really push injury at 10-12 miles at this point, but I took a slight injury around 5-6 yesterday. I ran a shorter distance specifically to avoid that. I'm not confident in my ability to run a marathon by October. I'm not ready to give up necessarily, but while I was ahead a month ago, I'm not so much now. I'll see if I can still do something different. Maybe by mixing up activities I can decrease the risk of injury?

That's about all for now.

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